The following are funny observations that various famous people have made about cats over the years.
Philosophical Musings on Cats
“The man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.” ~Mark Twain
“If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?” ~Stephen Wright.
“‘I meant,’ said Ipslore bitterly, ‘what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?’ Death thought about it. ‘Cats,’ he said eventually. ‘Cats are nice.’” ~Terry Pratchett
“Nature abhors a vacuum, but not as much as cats do.” ~Lee Entrekin
“A man has to work so hard so that something of his personality stays alive. A tomcat has it so easy, he has only to spray and his presence is there for years on rainy days.” ~Albert Einstein
“People that hate cats will come back as mice in their next life.” ~Faith Resnick
“Ignorance killed the cat, sir. Curiosity was framed.” ~C.J. Cherryh
Thoughts on Cat Behaviour
“Cats can work out mathematically the exact place to sit that will cause most inconvenience.” ~Pam Brown
“Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.” ~Robert A. Heinlein
“One is never sure, watching two cats washing each other, whether it’s affection, the taste, or a trial run for the jugular.” ~Helen Thomson
“The mathematical probability of a common cat doing exactly as it pleases is the one scientific absolute in the world.” ~Lynn M. Osband
“Cats do care. For example, they know instinctively what time we have to be at work in the morning; and they wake us up twenty minutes before the alarm goes off.” ~Michael Nelson
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.” ~Mary Bly
“Kittens are born with their eyes shut. They open them in about six days, take a look around, then close them again for the better part of their lives.” ~Stephen Baker
“Any cat who misses a mouse pretends it was aiming for the dead leaf.” ~Charlotte Gray
“Most cats, when they are out want to be in, and vice versa, and often simultaneously.” ~Louis J. Camuti
“Cats are the ultimate narcissists. You can tell this by all the time they spend on personal grooming. Dogs aren’t like this. A dog’s idea of personal grooming is to roll in a dead fish.” ~James Gorman
Perceptions of Cat Ownership
“Dogs have owners, cats have staff.” ~Unknown
“In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.” ~Unknown
“I had been told that the training procedure with cats was difficult. It’s not. Mine had me trained in two days.” ~Bill Dana
“Of all the toys available, none is better designed than the owner himself. A large multipurpose plaything, its parts can be made to move in almost any direction. It comes completely assembled, and it makes a sound when you jump on it.” ~Stephen Baker
“Some people have cats and go on to lead normal lives.” ~Unknown
“One cat just leads to another.” ~Ernest Hemingway (who owned an enormous number of cats)
“The way to keep a cat is to try to chase it away.” ~E.W. Howe
“You can’t own a cat. The best you can do is be partners.” ~Henry Swanson.
“Essentially, you do not so much teach your cat as bribe him.” ~Lynn Hollyn
“A cat isn’t fussy – just so long as you remember he likes his milk in the shallow, rose-patterned saucer and his fish on the blue plate. From which he will take it, and eat it off the floor.” ~Arthur Bridges
“Cats are like greatness: Some people are born into cat-loving families, some achieve cats, and some have cats thrust upon them.” ~William H.A. Carr
“Kittens can happen to anyone.” ~Paul Gallico
Quotations on the Superiority of Cats
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.” ~Terry Pratchett
“Dogs look up to you, cats look down on you. Give me a pig! He looks you in the eye and treats you as an equal.” ~Winston Churchill
“There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats.” ~Anonymous
“We have a theory that cats are planning to take over the world, just try to look them straight in the eye...yup, they’re hiding something!” ~Dog Fancy
Miscellaneous Funny Cat Quotations
“There is, incidentally, no way of talking about cats that enables one to come off as a sane person.” ~Dan Greenberg
“The sun rose slowly, like a fiery furball coughed up uneasily onto a sky-blue carpet by a giant unseen cat.” ~Michael McGarel
“The real measure of a day’s heat is the length of a sleeping cat.” ~Charles J. Brady
“A cat can climb down from a tree without the assistance of the fire department or any other agency. The proof is that no one has ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree.” ~Unknown
“Ignorant people think it’s the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain’t so; it’s the sickening grammar that they use.” ~Mark Twain
“A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.” ~Groucho Marx
For more cat quotes, see Famous Cat Lovers.
Jennifer Copley - Jennifer Copley, BFA, BEd, has a diverse base of expertise that includes research, writing, education, pet care, and various other ...
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